☀️ The everyday stuff
Food amounts
Dry: 1 cup per meal, using the cup with the food container.
Wet + dry: ½ wet food + ½ cup dry food per meal.
Toilet
Barbara is fully house-trained at home and goes outside. She'll usually ask with a single little “grrup!” bark. An accident at home is extremely unusual and is more likely to mean an upset stomach or illness.
🚶 Walkies
She's fine off-lead in a safe area away from roads. Call “Here!” for recall. If she's being a dick and ignoring you, say “Bye Barbara!” and walk away — she'll normally come after you.
She loves chasing a ball and normally brings it straight back. Squirrels and birds can temporarily override normal Barbara programming.
How much?
Her normal day is 45–60 minutes of exercise, but that's her routine rather than her physical limit. Take her somewhere like Snowdon and she'll happily run around it while you're trying to climb it. You are considerably more likely to tire before Barbara.
💧 Water
She often gets thirsty after ball chasing. We have a small steel water ball that can be clipped to her lead, and she'll happily drink from it. Worth taking for longer or more energetic walks.
Left to her own devices, she prefers puddle water because she's a bit of a tramp. Discourage obviously stagnant or dirty water.
💩 The Barbara Roll™
Barbara will roll in horrible things — dead worms, mice and whatever else she considers perfume.
Watch for the tell: she'll suddenly dip down and to one side, leading with her head/shoulder. That's her setting herself up to roll.
If she's off-lead and you spot it in time, a firm “NO!” may stop her. If you're close enough, intervene before she gets the shoulder down.
Once she's committed to the manoeuvre, you may already have lost negotiations. 😂
🐕 Other dogs
Barbara is generally good with other dogs. She can be a little jumpy/excitable, but doesn't like being overly fussed. If another dog is persistently bothering her she may tell them off. Give her space and move on rather than making her stay in an interaction she's had enough of.
🍽️ Food, treats & begging
If you have food, Barbara wants it. We try not to feed her from our plates because it's not a habit we want to encourage.
She's usually extremely polite about begging: she'll put a paw on your leg or lap as her version of “please”. If she barks at you for food, that's a hard “No” and never reward the barking.
🥔 Crisp fiend
If she's hovering hopefully, ask “What do you say?” and she'll usually paw you to say please. If you ask her to say please and she does, follow through with a small piece of whatever dog-safe treat you were offering. Don't ask if you don't intend to share.
🦴 Treats
Barbara should earn her treats. Ask for something she knows — Sit, Lie Down, Stay, Basket, or “What do you say?” — then reward her.
Has Barbara eaten something?
| Food | What to do |
|---|---|
| 🔴 Grapes, raisins, sultanas, currants | Call vet immediately |
| 🔴 Xylitol / E967 (sugar-free products, some peanut butter) | Call vet immediately |
| 🔴 Chocolate, especially dark/cocoa | Call vet — tell them type, amount & Barbara's weight |
| 🔴 Alcohol / raw yeast dough | Call vet immediately |
| 🔴 Onion, garlic, leeks, chives | Call vet for advice — don't wait for symptoms |
| 🔴 Macadamia nuts / mouldy food | Call vet for advice |
| 🟠 Cooked bones / corn cobs / fruit stones | Call vet if swallowed — obstruction/splinter risk |
| 🟠 Fatty, salty or very rich food | Small amount: monitor. Large amount or unwell: call vet |
| 🟢 Normal peanut butter (NO xylitol) | Fine in small amounts |
| 🟢 Plain meat, egg, rice, bread, potato, most dog-safe fruit/veg | Fine in sensible amounts |
If you're unsure what she ate or how much, call rather than waiting. Don't make Barbara vomit unless a vet specifically tells you to.
🗣️ Barbara → English
| Sit | Sit down. |
| Lie down | Lie down. |
| Here | Come back / recall. |
| Wait | Stop and wait while walking. |
| Stay | Remain where she is when sitting. |
| Stay stay | Stay on the bed, couch, cushion or spot you've placed her. |
| No | Stop what you're doing. |
| Basket | Go to her day bed. |
| Bedtime Barbara | Go into her crate. Actual time irrelevant. |
| Up up + tap | Invitation to jump onto the couch, chair or your lap. |
| Snap fingers + point | Emphatic direction: go/do what I'm indicating there. |
| What do you say? | Give a paw as “please”. If you've asked, reward her. |
🏠 At home
👋 When you arrive
Barbara can get very excited and jump up. We're training her not to, so ignore her while she's jumping/excited. Once she's calm, give her all the attention you want. It's not fun because it's adorable, but it's better for her and for people who don't know her.
🪟 Barking at the window
If Barbara barks at something outside, go to her, say “Thank you” while giving her a stroke on the head, then say “Basket”. Acknowledge → settle → day bed.
🔔 Doorbell & visitors
If the doorbell goes or someone is at the door, Barbara will bark. A lot. Once you've dealt with the door, use the same Thank you + head stroke → Basket routine. If the visitor comes in, ignore excited jumping until she settles.
🛋️ The Stare
If you're on the couch or in a chair and Barbara sits or stands directly in front of you staring, she's probably waiting for you to rearrange yourself into a suitable Barbara-seating position. If you're taking too long, she may give you a little “rup!” as a hurry-up.
Apparently, you are the furniture and she's waiting for you to assemble yourself correctly.
🏠 Being left alone
We normally keep it to 5 hours or less; 6 hours is the absolute maximum. Either leave her downstairs with the lounge closed off, or put her in her crate and close the crate door — she's completely comfortable with both.
Say “Bye bye Barbara” as you leave. If she's loose downstairs she'll usually go to the window to watch you go.
🌙 Bedtime Barbara
Barbara likes her crate and prefers the door closed. It's her sleeping space, not a punishment. Let her out for a final toilet trip, say “Bedtime Barbara”, and close the crate properly.
She has been known to come upstairs and bark outside our bedroom because her sleeping chamber was not properly secured, expecting to be escorted back downstairs so you can close it correctly this time. Barbara has standards.
🧹 Noises
Thunder doesn't bother her. Fireworks are generally fine indoors unless exceptionally loud. She dislikes the vacuum and moves away rather than being frightened; she mostly ignores the robot cleaner unless it gets too close.
❤️ Being Barbara
Barbara is very cuddly and affectionate and loves being close to people. She's grown up around two young boys and is comfortable around children; normal supervision still applies.
She has absolutely no respect for personal space. If your face is within range, she may try to stick her tongue in your mouth. Consider yourself warned.
🎉 Play mode
If she faces you with her front end down and bum up — the classic play bow / downward-dog pose — she's asking to play.
When excited, especially outside, she may get the zoomies: running around you madly while making low rolling growly noises and barking. That's Barbara having fun, not aggression.
If you initiate rough play she may gently mouth your hand. If she gets too chewy, say “Ow!”. She'll stop and will usually give you a lick instead.
🥹 Very Barbara things
At four, she still makes the little puppy yowl when she yawns. Completely normal. Still apparently a puppy.
✂️ Grooming
She's extremely low-shedding and basically maintenance-free between regular professional grooms. No brushing routine is needed while you're looking after her.
She's fine being bathed. Her paws can be handled/cleaned too — she tolerates it, although she doesn't particularly enjoy it.
🚗 Car & travelling
Barbara is very comfortable in the car and is used to journeys of around four hours. She has her own car seat and should be clipped into it while travelling.
One caveat: she somehow knows when you've reached your destination and may suddenly become extremely vocal and sound as though the world is ending. God knows why. It's normal Barbara arrival behaviour.
🚨 Health & emergencies
If treatment is necessary to save her life or prevent serious harm, the answer is YES regardless of cost.
Call Kieran or Chris if you can, but do not delay urgent treatment because you can't reach us or because of the cost.
☎️ Us
🩺 Normal vet — PetMedics Walkden
Memorial Road, Walkden, Worsley, Manchester M28 3DS
🚨 Emergency / out-of-hours — PetMedics Worsley Hospital
Unit A1, Priestley Road, Worsley, M28 2LY
📍 AirTag
Barbara's collar has an AirTag. We will share its location with you while you're looking after her. If she goes missing, call us immediately and use the shared AirTag location to track her.
You don't need to diagnose Barbara. If she's behaving unusually, seems unwell, has eaten something questionable, or you're simply unsure, call Kieran or Chris. For an obvious emergency, go straight to the vet.
🐾 If something comes up
Barbara is registered with Doggy Daycare Trafford Park. If something unexpected comes up and you can't look after her for part of the day, call Kieran or Chris. Daycare may be an option during weekday opening hours.
Saturday–Sunday: Closed
🎒 Barbara's stuff
Anything you'll need for Barbara will either be handed over to you or left on the dining table.